Moving in together? The talks to have first
Money, mess, alone time and the thermostat. Five conversations that save you five hundred arguments.
The Love Desk · 2 min read
Moving in together is one of the most exciting steps in a relationship, and one of the most underestimated. You've seen each other at your best for months. Now you'll see each other brushing teeth, paying bills and leaving one sock on the stairs. It's lovely. It's also where a lot of couples hit their first real rough patch.
The good news: most of the fights are predictable, which means most of them are preventable. Have these five talks before the boxes.
1. Money
The big one. Who pays what? Split 50/50, or by income? A joint account for bills, or not? There's no right answer, only the answer you both agreed to.
2. Mess
Everyone thinks they're tidy. Everyone is wrong about someone. Talk about your standards honestly, then divide the jobs by what each of you hates least.
3. Alone time
Living together doesn't mean being together every minute. Some people need an evening a week to themselves. Say so before it looks like rejection.
4. Friends, family and guests
How often can friends come over? Can your mum stay for a week? What about the friend who sleeps on the sofa after nights out? Agree the defaults now.
5. What this means
The quiet, important one. For one of you, moving in might be a step towards marriage. For the other, it might be about saving rent. Neither is wrong, but you need to know which you're both doing.
"I need to know we're moving in because we're building something, not because his lease ran out."
"I'm genuinely excited. I just need her to know I'll want my gaming night, and that it doesn't mean anything is wrong."
Bottom line
Talk about money, mess, alone time, guests and what it all means, before the boxes. Five conversations now save five hundred arguments later.
