Is your situationship going anywhere?
Seven honest signs, from both sides, and the one text that settles it.
The Love Desk · 4 min read
It's cuffing season. The nights are long, the group chats are asking, and you're three months into something with someone you still don't know what to call. You text most days. You've slept over plenty. Neither of you has said the word "relationship," and you've started to wonder whether that's because it's coming or because it never will.
Here's the honest version. A situationship isn't a crime. Some people want exactly that, and if you both do, enjoy it. The trouble starts when one of you is waiting for more and the other doesn't know it, or knows and is hoping you won't ask.
These seven signs tell you which one you're in.
1.You only exist after 9 p.m.
Late-night texts, last-minute "you up?", plans that only happen when the sun's gone down. If you've never had a Saturday lunch together, you're being kept in one part of their life.
2.Every plan is last-minute
When someone wants a future with you, they book you. If every plan is "what are you doing tonight?", you're the option when the evening is free, not the plan around which evenings are built.
3.You haven't met a single person in their life
No friends, no flatmate, no "my sister wants to meet you." People who see a future with you start folding you into the rest of their life, usually sooner than they'd admit.
4.The future stops at next weekend
Listen to their tense. "We should go there sometime" is pleasant. "Let's go there in March" is a decision. If every plan ends before the next payday, notice that.
5."Let's see where it goes" has lasted months
It's a perfectly good line in week three. In month four it isn't an answer. It means "I don't want to decide," and not deciding is a decision too.
6.You're doing all the work
You plan the dates, you check in after their bad day, you remember their friend's name. If the effort only flows one way, the feelings probably do too.
7.You feel anxious more than you feel happy
This is the big one. A good thing in its early stages feels exciting, sometimes nervy, but mostly good. If you spend more time decoding their replies than enjoying them, your body has already answered the question.
Here's what each side is often thinking while nobody says anything:
"If I have to ask, I already know. And I don't want to be the one who ruins it by asking."
"I'm not avoiding labels. I'm avoiding the talk. If she doesn't bring it up, I assume we're fine."
Put those two thoughts side by side and you can see why so many situationships drift for months. She waits to be asked and reads the silence as an answer. He reads the silence as "everything's fine." Nobody is lying. Nobody is talking either.
The fix isn't a big sit-down. It's one clear, low-pressure message.
The one text that settles it
Send it in daylight, not at 1 a.m., and not after a fight:
It's warm, it's clear, and it gives them an easy way to be honest. Then read the reply:
- "Yes, I've been wondering the same." Lovely. Now go and have that Saturday lunch.
- "I really like you, but I'm not ready for anything serious." Believe them. "Not ready" almost never changes on your timeline.
- A joke, a change of subject, or a reply three days later. That is the answer.
- "Why do we need a label?" Ask what they want instead. If they still can't say, see above.
If the answer isn't the one you hoped for, you've lost nothing except more months of guessing.
Bottom line
A situationship is fine when you both chose it. If you're the one waiting, stop decoding and ask. The right person will be relieved you did.
From the reading list: "Is this going anywhere?" romances
Picks from our own shelves, for anyone stuck between "it's complicated" and "it's official."
The Deal
Elle Kennedy · Off-Campus #1 · Fake dating · sports romance
A favour-for-a-favour arrangement between a hockey captain and the girl tutoring him is supposed to stay simple. It doesn't. The perfect read for anyone who swore they were "just having fun."
SPICE ●●●●○ 4/5Fire Starter pick
Something Borrowed
Emily Giffin · Darcy & Rachel #1 · Love triangle
Rachel finally gets the man she's wanted for years, except he's engaged to her best friend, and he keeps not choosing. Uncomfortable, honest, and the best book we know about waiting for someone to decide.
SPICE ●○○○○ 1/5Ice Melter pick (as a warning)
Inconvenient Wife
Natasha Boyd · Charleston #2 · Marriage of convenience · friends to lovers
Beau needs a wife to claim his inheritance; Gwen agrees to help. Best friends to lovers, with a hero who proves some men really are that dense, and it's very satisfying when he finally works it out.
SPICE ●●○○○ 2/5Slow Burn pick
Accidentally Married
Victorine E. Lieske · Married #1 · Fake relationship · clean romcom
A fake relationship that snowballs into a very real wedding nobody planned. Quirky heroine, chemistry off the charts, and a love story that isn't complicated for once. A clean read.
SPICE ○○○○○ none
The Rosie Project
Graeme Simsion · Don Tillman #1 · Opposites attract · romcom
A genetics professor designs a scientific questionnaire to find the perfect wife. Rosie fails every question. Proof that a checklist won't tell you whether it's going anywhere.
SPICE ○○○○○ noneKeeper pickSome links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, The Love Desk earns from qualifying purchases, at no extra cost to you.
